During my grief, I became jealous of older couples for a non-typical reason.
I'm jealous of old couples.
Usually, that statement is associated with the loss of a significant other or a spouse, but for me, it's associated with the loss of my father.
Across the street, lives an older couple, Martha* and Tim.* Their kids grew up years ahead of me, and their whole family was always kind to me and our whole neighborhood. But, after my dad died, I've had a hard time looking at them.
Currently, their kids are out (or almost out) of college, and are starting their new lives. Watching them have the moments that I'll never have with my dad is hard.
"Dad, I want you to meet my girlfriend!" My dad never met anyone I dated.
"Come meet my new baby, Dad!" the older one always shows up with his cute little child.
"Let me come home and help out!" the youngest one spends a lot of time home with his family.
Even little things make me sad. For example, early one morning I saw Martha and Tim unloading their car, after an evident hurried shopping trip before a holiday. That made me think of family shopping runs with my dad and I. Once that had been something that I dreaded doing, and avoided doing at all moments possible. But now, that's one of the things that I miss the most.
To anyone else, these are just tiny moments that, while they are important, aren't worth grieving over. But, to me, every time I see those tiny moments in that family, it hits me hard that I'll never have them with my dad again.
*Names have been changed for privacy purposes.
Written by Natalie Adams, the creator of Teenage Grief Sucks. Photo by Matthew Bennett.