New Year, No Dad

The struggle of starting another year without my dad.

A person holding a sparkler. Photo by Danil Aksenov on Unsplash.
Photo by Danil Aksenov.

For most people, the new year is like a “fresh start.” A time where you can try to break bad habits, create good habits, and leave behind everything that happened in the previous year.


A new beginning is a nice idea. Many things have happened this year that I’m more than happy to leave behind. Even though I know going from 2020 to 2021 won’t actually change more than my calendar, it’s nice to think of January 1st as a fresh start.


Except… whenever you have a start new, something is left behind. For many people, that’ll be bad habits, but for me, it’s something else: My dad.


January 1st will be the beginning of another year that my dad isn’t a part of. Everything that will happen in those 365 days we call 2021 will happen without one of the most important people in my life.


That’s kind of a scary thought. The fact that nothing that happens this year will involve my dad. That this is the start of another new beginning that he won’t be able to witness.


Every new year brings me farther and farther away from Dad. It’s something that I’m never ready for but is unavoidable.


Thinking about all of this is hard, but I’ve tried to focus on the more positive aspects of 2021. My New Year's resolutions (which I hopefully won’t break this year), the goals I have, and everything that will happen. I’m hoping that, like in previous years, once I get into the first few days of January, I’ll be okay.


It’s okay if the New Year is a struggle, but please know that you’ll get through it, and it will get better.


Before I end this, I want to say a quick thank you. Thank you to everyone who has supported me on social media, sent me messages, and read my articles. While I only get to interact with a portion of you, every single one of you is appreciated, and I’m so thankful that you’re here. Happy New Year.



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Written by Natalie Adams, the creator of Teenage Grief Sucks.