85 results found
- Friendship Grief
When I realized that I won't get my old friends back. In middle school, I was one of those kids who was slightly friends with everyone. I had around 30 good friends, and I talked to most of them weekly. It made me happy to have so many people around me. When I started high school, though, all of that fell apart. The people I had once considered my closest friends became strangers that I only texted on holidays, if that. While I’ve casually talked to a few of them since and kept a bit of hope that, somehow, our friendships would come back and be what they used to, there have also been some that I’ve had almost no contact with. Including Anna.* Anna and I were good friends in middle school. We shared a few classes, occasionally had deep conversations, and I enjoyed benign around her a lot. Near the end of middle school, however, she transferred, so I mostly lost contact with her. Then, a few weeks ago, her Instagram account popped up in my suggested. I clicked follow, and then I messaged her. “HI IT’S NATALIE, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER ME. I MISS YOU AND I HOPE YOU’RE DOING OKAY OR IF YOU AREN’T THAT YOU’RE GETTING SUPPORT and I don’t know why I wrote that in all caps.” She replied. Said she missed me too. We talked for a few minutes, and then she asked me how my life had been. I knew exactly what I wanted to say. “Actually, things have been really difficult. I never told you this, but around the time you left my dad was sick. I didn’t realize how sick he was, though, so I didn’t really tell anyone. Then I started high school and he died and everything sort of fell apart.” It’s the same response that I wanted to give to everyone who asked how my life was. Except, there was always something stopping me from saying it. It’s so much easier to hide your grief than it is to vocalize it. I usually just ended up telling people that I was “okay” or “tired,” which is sort of code for “everything sucks,” though no one ever realized that. This time, though, I asked her if she wanted to hear the full story, and when she said yes I clicked SEND. At that moment I felt like I needed to tell her. It wasn’t that I wanted her to feel bad for me or pity me. It was sort of my way of saying, “Everything is different, including me. I miss you, but we’re not the same anymore.” While I wrote it, I realized what I had been unable to realize with my other middle school friends that I had tried to rekindle friendships with in the past. That it wasn’t going to happen. Anna and I occasionally talk and I still care about her, but we’ll most likely never be the friends that we were before. It sucks, but it’s okay. Some friendships just aren't meant to last, and I’ve started to realize that. *Name changed for privacy purposes. Read Next: "Calling Out Insensitive Grief Comments" Written by Natalie Adams, the creator of Teenage Grief Sucks. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieLAdams.
- Calling Out Insensitive Grief Comments
What to do when someone makes an insensitive comment about your grief. A few days after my dad died, one of my former teammates came up to me after school. “My grandma saw on Facebook that your dad died and she told me that I have to tell you ‘I’m sorry.’” Um... what? The best part is, she never actually said “I’m sorry,” just that her grandma told her to say it. Honestly, that conversation made me feel horrible. It made me feel like she didn’t care about me at all (we had played multiple sports together for years), and like maybe everyone else who had said sorry didn’t care at all - but they were just better at hiding it than her. About a week later, I overheard this girl talking to one of her friends after school, and realized something: She was rude. Like, very, very rude. The conversation we had a few days earlier suddenly made a lot of sense. It wasn’t that she didn’t care - she just didn’t know what to say. Like this girl, many people don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving, and end up saying something rude or insensitive. I’m pretty sure that this girl thought that what she was saying was nice, and just didn’t realize how rude it sounded. While I never ended up talking to her about her comment, I’ve talked to a few people since then about insensitive things they’ve said regarding grief, using this method: 1. Find a time to talk to the person privately. “Hey, can I talk to you after school?” 2. Identify what the comment was. “Earlier, you said that your grandma told you you had to say sorry to me.” 3. Explain how the comment made you feel. “When you said that, it made it seem like you weren’t sorry at all, and like you were forced to do this.” 4. Offer an alternative comment. “Instead of saying that, you could’ve said, ‘My grandma and I saw on Facebook that your dad died and just wanted to say sorry.’” While people sometimes make rude comments, I’ve found that many didn’t even realize that what they said came across as anything but nice. By calling someone out (politely) for their comments, you can help them understand what they said, why it hurt, and what they can do instead. Even if the person continues to say rude comments, it’s good to use this method. By helping educate other people about what to say to grievers, you’re not only helping yourself but others who have lost or will lose a loved one. Read Next: "New Year, No Dad" Written by Natalie Adams, the creator of Teenage Grief Sucks.
- New Year, No Dad
The struggle of starting another year without my dad. For most people, the new year is like a “fresh start.” A time where you can try to break bad habits, create good habits, and leave behind everything that happened in the previous year. A new beginning is a nice idea. Many things have happened this year that I’m more than happy to leave behind. Even though I know going from 2020 to 2021 won’t actually change more than my calendar, it’s nice to think of January 1st as a fresh start. Except… whenever you have a start new, something is left behind. For many people, that’ll be bad habits, but for me, it’s something else: My dad. January 1st will be the beginning of another year that my dad isn’t a part of. Everything that will happen in those 365 days we call 2021 will happen without one of the most important people in my life. That’s kind of a scary thought. The fact that nothing that happens this year will involve my dad. That this is the start of another new beginning that he won’t be able to witness. Every new year brings me farther and farther away from Dad. It’s something that I’m never ready for but is unavoidable. Thinking about all of this is hard, but I’ve tried to focus on the more positive aspects of 2021. My New Year's resolutions (which I hopefully won’t break this year), the goals I have, and everything that will happen. I’m hoping that, like in previous years, once I get into the first few days of January, I’ll be okay. It’s okay if the New Year is a struggle, but please know that you’ll get through it, and it will get better. Before I end this, I want to say a quick thank you. Thank you to everyone who has supported me on social media, sent me messages, and read my articles. While I only get to interact with a portion of you, every single one of you is appreciated, and I’m so thankful that you’re here. Happy New Year. Read Next: (Un)Happy Holidays Written by Natalie Adams, the creator of Teenage Grief Sucks.
- Teenage Grief Sucks | Teens Talking About Grief
Friendship Grief R E A D we're talking about teenage grief. read stories written by grieving teens and share your own. share your story SHARE YOUR GRIEF start here S T A R T read articles A R T I C L E S
- Share Your Grief | Teenage Grief Sucks
share your grief . share your grief in written or multimedia format for a chance to be published on TGS. submission guidelines . written Suggested length: 300 - 2,500 words (Any length will be accepted.) The submitter must be the original author of the work. If your work is fictional, please write "FICTION" at the beginning of your submission. Must be appropriate for all ages. Names of living people may only be used with their permission. If you are under the age of 18: Permission be obtained from a parent or guardian before submitting. must multimedia Multimedia submissions include, but are not limited to, artwork, cartoons, and photos. The submitter must be the original author of the work. Must be appropriate for all ages. Names of living people may only be used with their permission. If you are under the age of 18: Permission be obtained from a parent or guardian before submitting. must OPTIONAL: You can include a written portion with your multimedia submission, following the same guidelines as written submissions. click the arrow, above, to view how to send in your submission. questions, comments, or concerns? C O N T A C T
- Resources | Teenage Grief Sucks
teen resources . resources for teenage grief and mental health. need urgent support ? THERE IS SO MUCH HOPE. CLICK HERE FOR RESOURCES. teen grief VIEW RESOURCES teen mental health VIEW RESOURCES
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